Last month at Copenhagen Fashion Week, some guy from Vice Scandinavia took my photo and wanted to ask me a few questions about music. The first query was "what are you listening to these days", and I went on about I'm back on the late 90's/early 00's R&B tip, with some SWV, TLC, Jodeci, and especially R. Kelly. And then he SCOFFED! "R. KELLY?!?! HAHAHAHAHA". I almost slapped a ho, seriously. So mad. Anyway, Vice Scandinavia dude, this post is for you!


#1) IGNITION (REMIX)



Not only my favorite R.Kelly song ever, Ignition (REMIX) could possibly be in my top-5 songs of all time - I gotta think on that one some more. It's the only song that'll get me to do karaoke (at The Selby window at Colette, last Paris Fashion Week, thankfully no pics/videos), and spawned an epic thread on a dorky music message board I'm on of 100 Reasons This Song is So Damned Great.

Favorite line: "It's like murder she wrote / Once I get you out them clothes / Privacy is on the door / But still they can hear you screamin' "more more".


#2) BUMP N' GRIND (OLD SKOOL REMIX)



I think this is the first of R. Kelly's songs where the b-side remix eclipsed the original. I still have this cassingle somewhere in the basement of my mama's house... One of my prized possessions, along with a Carlton Fisk rookie baseball card and my NYU diploma (ha ha...), an artifact of my youth that'll someday be a collector's item. Or is it already?

Favorite line: "So show me some I.D. / Before I get knee deep into you" -- Uhhhhhh, wait, what?


#3) FEELIN' ON YO' BOOTY (HYPNOSIS REMIX)



Three songs, three remixes. This one is possibly a more obscure 'hit' of his - It's on the 12" of "Feelin' on Yo' Booty", which I bequeathed to my old roommate Eliot Lipp when we moved out of that loft with the collapsed ceiling... Errr, kinda a weird video though, sorry!

Favorite line: "Come here girl, give daddy a hug / Don't play me like one of them scrubs / Girl if you don't get your ass off up here and get your ass in this TUB!!"


SEE #4-#10 AFTER THE JUMP





#4) TRAPPED IN THE CLOSET - Chapter #19



I only wanted to choose one chapter of Trapped in the Closet, since they're essentially different versions of the same song, sorta, not really, but you know what I mean. This one is my favorite, thanks to the choir chorus, "you can do it Pimp Lucious, you can do it Pimp Lucious".

Favorite Line: "Church! Church! The only thing that a pimp done get caught up off in here is the HO-ly ghost."


#5) BUMP N' GRIND



I prefer the remix, but the original Bump n Grind is pretty stellar itself. I had to use this Youtube version rather than the official video, because the official one cuts off the beginning where R Kelly croons acapella, "My minds telling me nooooooo / But my body, my bodys telling me yesssssss / Baby, I don't wanna hurt nobody, but there's something I must confessssssss (to you)" - that intro gets you nice and wet for the rest of the song.

Favorite line: See Above


#6) YOUR BODY'S CALLIN'



Baby Makin' Music.


#7) YOU REMIND ME OF SOMETHING



Not Baby Makin' Music. Don't know many girls who want to be compared to a jeep, but I guess there might be a few.


#8) SADIE




A bit of an upset at #8, this song dedicated to his mother felt a bit out of place on his debut album, 12 Play.... kinda stuck in between "Summer Bunnies", "Sex Me (Parts 1 and 2)", and "I Like the Crotch On You", but whatever.

Favorite line: Well, I thought for years that the line at 3:18 was "If there's a heaven up above / I know she's teaching ni***z how to love", which was kinda an amazing concept, but I just googled the lyrics and apparently she's teaching ANGELS how to love. Damn.


#9) 12 PLAY



More baby makin' music.

Favorite Line: "Four, lie down on the floor. Five, cannot wait to cum inside." -- Whoa..... Shouldn't that be number twelve???


#10) REAL TALK



I dunno about that bedazzled Mardi Gras hoodie he's got on, but love this song.

Favorite Line: "Bitch, I wish you wooooould burn my motherfucking clothes!"